This one goes out to all the losers, the zeroes, and the underappreciated and disenfranchised everywhere.
Today, I have seen the most extrordinary performance ever by one of Jim Henson’s “Muppets” that I have ever witnessed.
This performance wasn’t the work of Gonzo the Great; it wasn’t one of Ms. Piggy’s infamous tirades; it wasn’t Fozzy’s comedic genius; it wasn’t even an example of Kermit the Frog’s own fomidible talent.
No … this amazing performance was put fourth by none other than the single-most put-down, pathetic, and under-rated creature on the entire Muppets cast.
This incredible multi-song line-up was fronted and performed … by Beaker.
“BEAKER?” you might ask in disbelief. And, you would be right in assuming that the poor thing couldn’t carry a tune to save his life…or even speak except in unintelligible squeeks and meeps. As the assistant to the Muppets’ resident mad-scientist, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Beaker fits a doubly low role as the butt of all jokes and the subject of the good scientist’s “experiments.” In short, Beaker is an unmitigated, unabashed, and un-salvagable ZERO.
But Beaker has hidden talent … Beaker can Lip-sync! And in that performance, for at least one night, Beaker shines! And yes, my friends, Beaker brought the house down. And he looked GOOD doing it!
See for yourself:
In all, Beaker went on to perform at least half a dozen songs, lip-syncing everything from Abba’s “Mama Mia” to Guns ‘n Roses’ “Mr Brownstone” to U2’s “With Or Without You” … even Metallica’s “Master of Puppets”! … all while looking good doing it. I mean, in “Yellow”, he’s convincing!
This is from The Muppet Show’s ultimate looser! I would never have expected Beaker to be the star of any Muppets number, let alone the lead in an entire night’s musical lineup!
Of course, now I must also confess to you that each of these numbers was edited–put together from bits of Muppet Show recordings–by the users of You-Tube and other video-sharing websites. (The footage was mostly from the UK version of “The Muppet Show” episode 424, which aired February 1980). Unfortunately, Beaker never performed these songs on the show–and that’s a pity, because these videos show Jim Henson’s most lovable looser in a mode that really is anything but pathetic. I think the producers ought to consider using this “mode” for him by adding it to his repitoire. Imagine the delight and wonder for fans everywhere as they discover an area in which Beaker is actually good.
And, you know … this has a symbolic meaning for anyone who is downtrodden, rejected by society, and considered dumb or simple or slow … in short, for every looser, nerd, and zero of any sort … here is a symbol for you!
Being one of those downtrodden outcasts myself, I know how important this is.
You see, for every one of us who is cast off by society–whether because we lack social skills, or because we studder or have another speach impediment, or due to mental illness or physical imfirmity–for whatever reason “they,” the powers that make themselves the gods of the social world, choose to reject us and call us “Zeros,” we have a symbol.
With Beaker here, we have a symbolic representation of a universal truth: that every one of us has something special–some hidden talent or gift–something that somewhere, somehow, in some special circumstance, we, too will shine!
And it’s true … every one of us does have a gift. We now know Beaker’s–he’s a lip-syncing savant … a star performer of the highest caliber–in his own special way.
Each of us is special in our own way, too … the loosers … the zeros … the nerds … the freaks … and the retards. Every single one is special, too.
Here’s to you, Beaker, from all of us … losers and zeros every one. Thank you! And thanks to those who’ve edited your follies into films laden with possibilities … and a promise for the rest of us.
Yes, look at the stars … see how they shine for you, Beaker. They’re shining for us all … for the losers, and even those that aren’t.
SASS has Spoken.
— the SASS Man